“Premarital intimacy” or in other words premarital sex or sex before marriage. Do you think I am being a little bold with my use of words? I am sure many of you would call it that. And I am also sure when most of the youth or teenagers come across any article such as this one, they would want to read it secretly. Many would read it to know if it is right or wrong? And some eager to find out whether what is right about things that are already been done.
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It is said that present is a bridge between the past and the future but in a nation like ours where the old well mannered culture is still prominent in our country, past and future are now being avoided when thinking about intimate relationships. The traditions and beliefs here, in true sense are multi-cultural. Eventually, evolving with every single battle fought, victory marked and defeat faced. And many taboos just like pre-marital intimacy are the signs of these cultural changes.
This nation today, is in a race of culture and mindset against time and development. A race with the finish line that indicates growth, progress and stability. It is a race where our present is a bridge deeply rooted in the past on one side and at the same time rapidly reaching out to the future. The youth in this present are the participants of the race running in a blur. A blur of wrong and right for they are, in whirl of dilemma between morality and desire.
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And when there are desires, morality is shown as the red flag in our society. Gilbert K. Chesterton has beautifully written, “Art, like morality consists in drawing the line somewhere,” The catch is, where to draw that line is for you to decide. Yes people, it is for you to decide what is right for you. Sex or intimacy when and where in any relationship before or after marriage is strictly an individual’s choice.
Henry Nouwen says, “if fear is the great enemy of intimacy, love is it’s true friend.” Definitely being born in a society where all sorts of norms and myths revolve around us, it is obvious that many of us fear to take our relationship to the next level. But today, with increasing modernization, wide exposure to western lifestyle and development of metro cities, people tend to break the barriers of traditions and live freely. There are a number of people who choose live-in relationships and even pre-marital intimacy to make the bond of their love grow stronger.
There have been many surveys done over the years that prove how the change in people’s lifestyle and attitude has evolved over the course of time. Especially, that of women. A survey was conducted by The social research unit of Indian Market Research Bureau for INDIA TODAY in 1978. This survey had polled 604 college students in Mumbai, Chennai, Delhi and Kolkata. Back then two-third of the students, which are almost 402 students out of 604 called premarital sex unacceptable. Years later, a similar survey in 1994 was held by INDIA-TODAY MARG. It was done across 8 cities and amongst 1,365 undergraduate girls. This survey concluded that 18 per cent of the girls, which makes them only 246 out of 1,365, accepted premarital sex.
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Statistics show that, years from the 2000’s actually marks the start of a storm of liberal thoughts breaking traditional mindset in India. Not to forget those were also the years when more and more young minds started stepping out of their houses and in to hostel dormitories coming together. And at the same time it also marks the evolution of cinema and advertising industry towards westernization and modernization.
Yet in 2007, according to a survey, 76 per cent of husbands believed sex was a “marital right” But, by 2010 something seemed to have changed when Supreme Court dismissed all the charges in 22 cases against actress Khushboo. Her just on comment had led her to years of court trials since 2005. “No educated man would expect his wife to be a virgin” was her statement in a column in the Tamil edition on a magazine. But it was in 2010 when Supreme Court released her of all the charges noting that, where consenting adults are concerned there can be nothing legally wrong with live-in relationships or premarital sex.
In 2014-15, Teen Sex Survey observes 25 per cent of students disclosing of having had sex while still in school. That is 3 out of every 10 students of class X were not virgin. And 2017 statistics found 41 per cent of men and 29 per cent of women fine with one night stands. Surveys have also found a good per cent of rural people engaging in premarital sex leading to growth in the number of pre-marital pregnancies, abortions, forced marriages and also a rise in contraction of STD’s. Just as all the things have good and bad side, pre-marital sex does too. Let’s look at them
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- Pre-marital intimacy makes your bond grow stronger and helps you know your partner better.
- It is good for emotional stability in relationships. As it is famously said by Mae West, “Sex is emotion in motion”
- The fullest way of expressing your love and emotions to your partner.
- Sex before marriage is also something about exploring your sexual identity. In most of the cases, people under parental pressure get into a relationship or marriage without having any sense of their own sexual identity. And it is only until it’s too late that they actually realize they are not really into heterosexuality.
- Having pre-marital intimate relationship is also important to know if your partner is being completely loyal with you and does not have any sexual issues.
- Having premarital intimacy also helps couples to grow more co-operative and in understanding each other’s views. It makes a relation more open to all discussions regarding their future.
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- Pre-marital intimacy must take place in any relationship after a certain period of time when two people already know enough about each other. For one must never have any regrets for the intimate memories they carry.
- Pre-marital intimacy must be first discussed between the couple and then acted upon with mutual consent. One must not feel burdened about their partner’s sexual needs and may crush the other emotionally.
- Pre-marital intimacy also has adverse effects if you do not have the correct knowledge about precautions to be taken. It can lead to unwanted pregnancy and also contraction of STD’s.
- One must avoid indulging into any pre-marital sexual activities if he/she is not sure about the person and his or her emotional stability. For “there is no art to find mind’s construction in the face”
- Pre-marital intimate relationship with your partner has this very significant side effect that couple often gets bored with the same person and loose interest. Eventually falling out of love and even out of marriage.
Even though surveys and charts show us enough, we still don’t prefer talking on such issues openly. Because we fail to understand that talking on it is not an issue but not talking and avoiding it all the time is. But we all prefer to put pure white facades over our dark desires making us grey. What we all need to understand is life is an unpredictable multiple player game where every player’s actions and reactions create twists and turns. Just as we cannot stop advancement, change in thought, progress of future and the rush of hormones. All we must really do is be prepared and prepare our future generations by talking on such topics openly and educating them on sex and intimacy in a relationship so they don’t be the victims of our ignorant behavior.
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